When will I learn?

Nothing like having a great start to your day and ending it with a great big cry! Just when I think I've learned, as I stated in yesterday's post, I really have not learned a thing.

Sanjog texted me at 1am this morning - "do you want to get together sometime later in the afternoon?" I wake up at 5:50, read it, and think "heck yeah! What a great way to start the day!" Of course I would want to meet up with my kids - it's CHRISTMAS and what a pleasant surprise! Even though in the back of my head I thought it was just another game Sanjog likes to play and thinks it's funny - I gave him the benefit of the doubt b/c after all, it's CHRISTMAS right?! As stated yesterday - I have no family here. Have had wonderful friends invite me for family events all day yesterday and today - but nonetheless, I have no family other then Konnor, Hunter and Quinn here.

Went for a run this morning - a good one - then to my friend's house to enjoy a breakfast brunch and lots of kid excitement from Santa's visit! Came home - showered - planned to head to another friends but put it on hold for awhile thinking maybe Sanjog would call. So, I got some gifts together to get ready for the boys. Wrapped them - ALL of them - got EVERYTHING ready - wondering whether I should head to my friends or still wait. Thought I better wait - b/c I'd hate to get to her house and have the boys call and have to be rude and leave right away. So, I wait...and I wait...and I wait. Finally, at 5 I texted him wondering if they were sleeping. Yes - they were! No big deal - great actually, I'm sure they could use a nap - but thanks for letting me know. 6 pm rolls around - I'm figuring out what he's up to. So I ask if I should plan on doing something or not? "No, I really had planned on doing something earlier, but it didn't work out."

Gee, thanks. Any other day, fine - this is the way things go. However, today is Christmas. A day he knows is extremely important to me for many reasons. A day I had prepared myself to spend alone and with friends - but he had to throw in asking me if I wanted to see them for awhile only to disappoint me in the end. As always. Not to mention that when I spoke to the boys this morning I was saying "I'll see you guys later!" "Okay, Mommy! See you later today!"

Yeah. I'm not one to usually complain - or openly express private emotions and feelings. But I've taken about as much as I possibly can. Who would do this to the mother of their children? Remember awhile back me writing a post about big GIANTS reappearing in your life?! Yeah. I hope this one decides to back off some day. Soon.

In any case, I am still grateful for the day. Grateful to say I have happy healthy children! I really am! I am so excited to celebrate with them tomorrow. While a day like today is extremely emotional and hurtful, in the grand scheme of things - I know there are people who are in much worse condition then I. I do not have it so bad. I just hope and pray that someday I am respected as the mother of my children. Someday.....someday.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope the day was all you had hoped for and that you all enjoyed a wonderful day with your families!!